The Tiki Game
by killtheposeurs
Summary: Chapt 10 UP! A new game is taking Hogwarts by storm. Unlikely alliances, budding romances, and a whole lot of comedy. But, just how far are the students willing to go to achieve the grand prize? Cookie-Mort? Counseling? Identity Crises? R&R to believe!
1. What the heck is a Tiki?

~Disclaimer~ I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I would be filthy stinking rich right now. Richer than the Queen of England. So rich that I could hire people to write stories for me. But, until then, you must settle for my crap. Enjoy!

A/N: No, I do not know Ginny's middle name. Or Draco's. I'm a dweeb, yes, don't remind me. I'm calling them Virginia Annabel Weasley and Draco Edward Malfoy. I stole Virginia's middle name from some other fic, and Draco Edward Malfoy just plain sounds nice. [sigh] MY Draco Edward Malfoy…

Virginia Weasley was tired. Of life in general. In her opinion, a Weasley could only get so much out of life. Especially the first Weasley girl in God-knows-how-long. Spending all of her holidays with her extremely large family at the burrow, being pampered and yet teased by her 6 brothers. Including one Ronald Weasley, much more protective than the rest.

Oh yes, Virginia Annabel Weasley was so VERY tired of that dull life she had been leading. 

So she decided to change. 

Drastic measures were needed to transform the youngest Weasley into her own persona, but her plan had worked. As she stood at Platform 9 and ¾, even some Slytherins were giving her the once-over. 

She twisted a titian strand of hair around her slender pointer finger and smacked her gum in her mouth. The nerve of her brother expecting her to date the "famous Harry Potter" when Potter decided to ask THROUGH RON whether they could "go out for ice cream sometime". Go out for ice cream? Go out for ICE CREAM? Honestly, didn't anyone know that she had stopped making googley eyes at Potter in fourth year? She now bloody hated the stupid git! They could have just stayed acquaintances, but NO. He had to ask her out on a date. Just because Cho Chang decided to leave for Beaubaxtons for her 7th year does NOT give him the right to hit on his best friend's sister!

She popped her gum and spit it out onto the ground. Oh, but they would see how she had changed. A little bit of muggle shopping can work wonders. She had bought a black miniskirt with a chain belt at some store called "Hot Topic" and then walked over to another strange store called "Abercrombie" with "muggle rap" blaring out of the doors and bought a tight-fitting pink "Tiki-logo" shirt. Muggles and their stupid-ass store names. Who calls things "Abercrombie" anyway? And what the hell was a Tiki? But she had done it all in a short amount of time. Throwing out Mum's hand knitted sweaters, patching up her school and dress robes; she had done everything she could to create a new image for herself. She had told Mum that she had a little bit of shopping left to do, and left the damn burrow early.

They would all see who the REAL Weasley girl was. Even Harry Fucking Potter.

~~~

A/N: Yes, that was a short chapter. I have dinner. I promise the next one will be longer though ^.^ really! Send me reviews, and I'll write you back with notes! And try to keep the flames down.


	2. Ferret Boys have it Bad

A/N: This was going to be part of the first chapter, but I was too lazy to format and all that shit. Enjoy. 

When Draco Edward Malfoy bent down to pick up his bags off his cart, he was met with a loud "THUNK" and a shriek as a girl hit his head with her own and tumbled to the ground. He cursed his bad luck, as he was wearing his good black slacks. He should have brought two pair. But suddenly, he blessed that luck because he thought he was seeing an angel sprawled out on the cobblestones in front of him. 

She was the drop dead gorgeous type of girl that most men lusted after, but only Malfoys didn't have to dream about. Draco inwardly cursed at himself for being so clumsy and running into the beautiful student. Besides, she had to be a new student, by the looks of her. He'd never seen a girl like her before, with her chestnut hair that also seemed rather, well, red. He knew all the redheads in the school, and she was most assuredly NOT a Weasley. And even more assuredly NOT that female Weasley, whatever her name was; known for being a bumbling idiot who spent all her time running after Potter. So she had to be a transfer student or something, she looked a bit european. Maybe she was from Beaubaxto…

"Excuse me ferret-boy, but would you mind giving me a hand here?"

The angelic voice of the object of his adoration interrupted his thoughts; jolting him back to reality. Wait a second, she just called him ferret boy, and she couldn't have been around for the Moody incident! Hopefully he didn't just look like a ferret most of the time. Malfoys do NOT resemble ferrets in everyday life. He shuddered as the thought of the unfortunate ferret incident came to mind. He still couldn't see ferrets; nasty god-forsaken creatures.

"Why certainly, although I don't see why I resemble a ferret. Are my good looks supernatural?" Score a point for the Malfoy. 

"Yes, you look like an angel who was sent to hell for community service. Will you help me pick up my stuff or not?"

Well, he hoped that was a good comment. At least she wasn't an airhead like most of the other girls at the school. Smart girls were hard to find at Hoggy-Warty Hogwarts. While she was bending down and arranging her bags, he got a lovely look up her skirt. One more point for the Malfoy! She was dressed in popular Muggle clothing, a black miniskirt with chains hanging from it and a tight fitting pink shirt that stated in black:

"The Little Beachside Tiki Shack-

Tourists get half off

Locals get it all off"

Hmm. Interesting choice in clothing. And to top it all off, black fishnet tights with tennis shoe stilettos on top. She was probably a mudblood. Damn that Malfoy code of non-mudblood dating. After he was done arranging her bags, and she was satisfied with the job, he decided to turn on a little bit of the old Malfoy charm. Who cared whether she was a mudblood, he could still flirt shamelessly. He snaked an arm around her waist as she let out a little yelp.

"You know, I am a tourist, but can I still get it all off?" he winked and inhaled the smell of her perfumed hair. She even SMELLED lovely. 

"Hmm. I'll have to consider that prospect as opposed to the other reaction to your arm being around my waist: verbal abuse. Now, if you'd excuse me, the train might leave without us, and my brother is STILL goddamn late." She didn't pull out of his grasp though.

Wait a second. She had a brother? Was he a jealous brother? Was he in Slytherin? Were Malfoys supposed to associate with this brother of hers?

"Pardon me, but who are you anyways? I haven't seen you around here before." Her eyes grew wide at the last remark and she suddenly burst out in giggles. The laughter sounded light and bubbly; not at all obnoxious like that cow Pansy's Hee-Hawing. You could have sworn that Parkinson was a donkey if you heard her laughter, wait, output of offensive noise, from the down the corridor.

"Umm, did I say something funny?" She laughed even harder at the last remark, doubling over as if she was in pain. 

"Don't you remember me Malfoy? Weasley's kid sister? The one who chases bloody Potter everywhere?"

THAT WAS VIRGINIA WEASLEY? THAT… THAT… IN FRONT OF HIM??? 

Jesus, this was going to be a long year. She finally stopped laughing and looked up at him with inquisitive eyes. 

"You really didn…" she was suddenly interrupted by a screaming redheaded boy running towards her with a brown eyed boy pushing the cart as fast as he could.

"Ginny… Oh my god, GINNY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT MUM WOULD SAY IF SHE SAW YOU IN… THAT???" her brother Ron yelled as all heads turned to look at Yelling Weasley and Potty the Bright standing to the side, looking rather sheepish in comparison. "AND WHY DOES MALFOY HAVE AN ARM AROUND YOUR WAIST?!?!?" Draco removed the arm. Freakish Boy Weasley was practically shaking in anger. He could tell that Ginny had NOT consulted her new wardrobe with her brother.

Potter tried to take control of the situation but to no avail. "Calm down Ron, I think she looks… nice?"

As Ginny walked by she fought back with a lovely comment of her own. "Hello Ron. Fuck off Potter." She turned back to Draco. Draco's eyes widened; this was DEFINENTLY not the shy Weasley girl whom his father had tourmented his 2nd year. This was very interesting. Draco liked interesting.

"Well, buh-bye! See you… umm, no time!" she skipped onto the train and then came back a second later to grab her matching green luggage. Ron ran onto the train after his sister while conveniently forgetting his bags, leaving poor hopeless Potter to collect his items. Harry sighed and picked up the parcels, staggering on to the train. 

This was going to be a VERY long year.

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Next Time: Angry Ron, The Candy Cane Forest, Seamus all grown up, Neville takes a stand, blah blah blah. And yes, there WILL be some Ron/Hermione plotting in here that shall end succesful. Ehehehe.

A/N: OOH! That one was longer. Joy. Anyway, I haven't been able to see even whether ff.net published this fucking piece of work yet. If it has, then I haven't found it yet [cries]. Well, if you left me reviews, I'm happy! I'll start posting answers to them soon, if there are any. AND THERE BETTER BE. Or I shall put on my angry face and use threats against you readers.


	3. The Year of the Weasley

A/N: Woohoo! I got a review! I'm so happy… thank you bebopodiggity! It's nice to know that someone reads the story. I'm cranking these chapters out as fast as I can for others to read, so please, it would do me some good to let me know that other people are reading it. Remember that all flames shall be used to warm my new hot tub. Huzzah!

The Tiki Game Chapt.3

This was certainly turning out to be a suprising year, Ginny thought. After being chased through the train by Ron and then having to hide in a Hufflepuff compartment, while nearly forgetting her luggage, Ginny wasn't too happy with the year so far. She had NO idea that Ron would be THIS angry with her, he always forgave her after about, oh, 5 minutes. But this was very different by far. It involved MALFOY. 

She sighed as she entered the Great Hall, taking her usual space at the Gryffindor table between Lavendar and Colin. Shielding her face from the dirty looks she was receiving from her brother, she instead decided to look across the room; surprised to find that Malfoy was staring at her. And not in that "hate stare" either that he usually gave her. It was more of… of… well, she couldn't place it. Maybe contempt and anger all rolled into one. She really shouldn't have led him on like that at the train station, making him believe that she was someone else. Damn, she hated that bloody prat. That bloody stupid ignorant studly handsome dashing glorious beautiful…

"GINNY! Are you listening to me?!?" Ginny pulled a full 360 in her seat as Colin yelled at her. "I was just asking whether you needed a partner for the next Hogsmeade weekend." He said in a calmer voice.

"Uhh, Colin? Hogsmeade isn't till November. This is still September," she said in a puzzled voice. " 'Sides, Ron is so mad at me right now that I don't think he'll let me go at all."

"Well, I know that it's a far ways away, but I…" Colin started but was interrupted by Professor Dumbledore.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts, my doting students. Before you can eat, there are some matters of business that I need to attend to. First of all, The Third Floor Corridor is still off limits to those who do not wish to die a painful death." A couple students groaned. "Second, Mr. Finnigan, we will not change the name of The Forbidden Forest to "The Happy Candy Cane Forest" where all students can run freely. It is still forbidden." Dumbledore said with a smile plastered onto his face. Even though he was using his angry tone, he still looked rather happy. The whole hall sent a dirty look over to Seamus.

"Well, thought that I'd try!" he commented with a sheepish grin on his face. Ginny smirked; since her brothers were gone, Seamus and Neville were trying to take the place of Fred and George as resident pranksters. They weren't doing a very good job.

"And now, I have just a couple more things to say to you. I'd like to welcome our new two charms professors, Professors Fred and George Weasley." The whole hall gasped in surprise. "Yes, well, they were always rather good at charms. Professor Flitwick just passed away recently, and we were 'forced' to take in these two as Professors. Also, we have a new DADA teacher, please welcome Professor Avernos." Ginny focused her attention onto a new teacher who looked like he could challenge Snape to a scowling contest. 

"Finally, just a couple of words left: Flibertijibbit, Thorax, and Monstro. Dig in!"

The Hall sighed in relief as piles of food appeared on the table. As she was scooting in her chair, she discovered a note under her plate, addressed to "Miss Virginia Weasley". She opened the note

To Miss Virginia Weasley,

This is from the Secret Society of Hogwarts. We have considered you as a new member. Please come to the explanatory meeting on September 4th, 2004, at 2030 hours. Thank You.

The SSOH

She read over the letter once more before stashing it away in her pocket. That meant that the meeting was at… 10:30 tonight! She hurridly finished eating before running back to the Gryffindor common room; it was already 9:30! She didn't stay long enough to notice that Draco was heading back to the Slytherin Dungeons…

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Next Time: The Tiki Game starts, the Council of the Tiki, some interesting classes, and the teacher from Hell.

A/N: Don't worry, the SSOH isn't what it seems, believe me ;). The students are going to have a hellofa lot of fun in the next couple of chapters, including more pranks, romance, smut, and… EMAIL! WOOHOO!!! So just keep on reading, and talking to me. Response makes the chapters come faster! BTW, Averno means Hell, so really, Professor Avernos is really "from hell" so to speak. Also, I suggest that you check out my other story, "Harry Potter and the Scroll of Layarteb", which is a bit more angsty, but really rather entertaining. Enjoy!

~Ming~


	4. Couldn't you just look it up?

A/N: Alright, here's where I get cruel. No more chapters up until I reach 10 reviews on this story, and at least one review on the other story, Harry Potter and the Scroll of Layarteb. Come on, you know you want to review. And now, the next chapter. My apologies, for at times, this one seems rather angsty, and I promised myself that I would write a load of rubbish. Bear with me anyways.

__

You know, Virginia, we are not so different, you and I. With your intelligence, and my sheer drive, we could rule the world together. The only difference is that one of us worships the darkness, while the other worships the light…

The Tiki Game 

Chapter 4.

Virginia carried her backpack with her down the corridor leading towards the DADA room. She had, at first, realized in her room that she didn't know where to go for the SSOH meeting, but then checked the note once over and saw that "Go to Room 207 for the meeting" was written at the bottom. Building up all of her confidence, she turned the last corner, and found herself face to face with none other than Draco Malfoy. Her eyes widened in shock. 

"Um, hi there. Listen, I know that you're head boy and all, but really, you don't HAVE to take away points for me being out… late… at… night…"

"Calm down weasel, I have no desire to do that right now. But really, I must inform you that Professor Avernos said that all 'personal extra credit favors' are to be exchanged in his personal quarters. I think he might have been expecting you."

Damn you Malfoy and your smart-assed remarks.

"Really ferret," she drawled, "I think you might want to run along. I have IMPORTANT business to attend to." She made sure to stress the said word 'important'.

"Like that would ever happen…"

"Shut up bastard. Just let me in the goddamn room before I rip that bloody mouth off of your profane face."

"Ouch, Miss Weasley uses profanity. I MAY have to take off points for tha…" Draco's remark was cut short as Ginny shoved him aside and nearly knocked the door open. She saw nothing inside but a moldy boot.

Rather confused, she decided to consult Draco.

"Okay, MALFOY, where do we meet for the SSOH meeting?" She saw the smile dissapear off of Draco's face for a split second.

"I didn't think that they let WEASELS into the group. Bad breeding…" Ginny held up her letter for proof. He sighed and continued.

"To tell the truth, that's where I'm currently headed. I suppose the boot is a portkey." She stood fixed to the floor. "Well, come on! I don't have all day!" He shouted at her as he pointed a finger toward her face. She sighed and grabbed his hand as she touched the boot and he shouted protests. 

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOU COULD TOUCH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…"

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After stepping away from the boot, Ginny dusted off her robes and took in her surroundings. She could have sworn that she had been in this room before. Then she realizd: she was in the back room of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes.

Draco mumbled profanities as he stood up, but Ginny grabbed him and marched through the door leading to the main shop.

"FRED!!! GEORGE!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS TIME?!??!?!?" She screamed at the two redheads standing up front. 

"Um… Hold on Gin, Malfoy. The others should be here in a second." Fred stated uneasily as he stared at his angry sister.

"I'm confused…"

"Shut up Malfoy!" Ginny hissed at him. Malfoy closed his mouth and waited for the others to arrive.

And in the door they walked. First came Hermione Granger, then Colin Creevey, Blaise Zabini… some others that she didn't know… and to finish the group, Neville Longbottom.

"Alright, now that you're all here, we can explain. My name is Fred Weasley, and with my brother George Weasley, we have devised a little game to make our stay at Hogwarts MUCH more enjoyable. It's called the Tiki Game." Nearly all of the students raised their hands. "Yes, Mr. Zabini?"

"Would you mind telling us WHAT a Tiki is?"

"Well… we don't really know actually. We just picked a word that we didn't know the definition of."

"Well, couldn't you just look it up?" commented Hermione.

"Shut up Granger."

"Thank you Malfoy. Now, to continue with the explanation, here is how the game works. You are all put into pairs that we have presently devised and will be announced shortly. Each pair is given a list of items that they must find, or tasks which they must complete. Sort of like a scavenger hunt, if you will. Some lists have the same tasks or items as other lists, so you must be intelligent about your hunting. Now, here are the Rules:

Number one: You must not tell anyone what you are doing.

Number two: Other than Number one…

Anything goes." A couple of the students raised hands.

"Yes, that includes violence, seduction, other various illicit activities, and even getting EXPELLED."

Ginny smiled, this was going to be VERY fun.

"And now, the pairings." A list of names appeared on the front blackboard as George read them off one by one.

"H. Granger/ B. Zabini"

"N. Longbottom/ G. Goyle"

"C. Creevey/M. Mowry"

Overall, there were around 12 pair, including the last one.

"V. Weasley/ D. Malfoy"

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Draco sat up in shock. They did NOT just say what he thought they just said. He looked across the room and saw that Virginia was a lovely shade of red that matched her hair.

Yup, they must have said it.

"The two winners will each receive a year's supply of chocolate, a year's subscription to Witch Weekly, detailed answers to the 7th year N.E.W.T's," Draco thought he heard cheering,

"and 25,000 galleons."

Draco sat up even straighter. Whoa.

"Each."

Double Whoa.

"You have until a week before the end of the year to compete. Good luck!" 

He saw a list appear in Virginia's hands and went over to her to observe.

"Alright, lets put aside our personal differences and just work. I really want that money."

"But I thought you were richer than that Malfoy!" Virginia put on a fake pouty face.

"Shut up. What's our first task?"

"Easy, a boggart. I know that there's one in the DADA room."

"Good work. We can head there right away." While the other students were stuffing their faces with complementary pastries, Ginny and Draco were heading over to the moldy boot. They joined hands, and touched the shoe…

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A/N: I decided to continue and give you guys a treat. Enjoy!

As she lay on the floor with Malfoy on top of her, she noted that it REALLY wasn't a bad position to be in. Draco obviously thought it was, as he stiffened and jumped up. Ginny followed.

Draco sighed. "Alright Virginia, where is the said Boggart?"

"Umm, in the corner closet. But Draco, there's something I need to tell you…"

"Not right now Weasley. You can face it by yourself, I don't want to see Lucius right now…"

"I'm serious… the thing I fear most is…"

"Well, we'll all know that soon enough! Just open the door!"

Draco shoved the door open and then backed away slowly as Ginny turned to face it. The Boggart slowly transfigured into a young man with brown hair, probably a 7th year prefect, wearing the Slytherin Patch on his coat. Draco's eyes widened in surprise as Ginny turned pale with fear. This guy didn't look so menacing. Well, except for his piercing green eyes…

__

You know, Virginia, we are not so different, you and I. With your intelligence, and my sheer drive, we could rule the world together. The only difference is that one of us worships the darkness, while the other worships the light…

I'll never leave you Tom, never.

The man walked up to Virginia and touched her face. She could barely stammer.

"Virginia… who the hell is that…" Draco gripped the table for support.

"T… T… To…"

He turned to Draco. Suprisingly, the boggart's form was taller than Draco.

"Why do you need to know, blondie?"

He turned back to Ginny and focused his attentions on her. Draco also fixed her with an irritated stare.

"Virginia… you said that you would never leave me. Why did you leave…"

"… Ginny… just vanquish him and get away. Damn stalker."

But she couldn't move. She was paralyzed, not even blinking.

"Ginny… I always told you that we could rule the world together. With you as my queen, we could rule the world together," he hissed. 

Draco was starting to shake in fear. "Virginia… just tell me who the hell that is, and do the damned patronus!"

It seemed that Ginny had recovered the ability to speak. "He's Tom Marvolo Riddle… Y… You may know him as… as…"

"GINNY, JUST TELL ME!"

Tom turned to Draco again. "My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle." He rearranged the words in the air to spell:

__

I am Lord Voldemort

…

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Next Time: Harry issues, The Seduction of the Potions Master, Neville takes a stand, and Seamus Stud Boy!

A/N: HAHAHA!! I CLIFFHANGER… umm… -ed… you… yeahh. I know that was a pretty long chapter (9 pages… mumble, mumble…), but I really wanted to get to a certain point. Read/Review and you'll hear more soon! Thank you all for reading!

~Clare

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	5. Task 1 Tom of the Riddles

A/N: I got kind of tired of working on HGW for a little bit, I'll start again on Thursday. In the mean time, enjoy some good old fashioned Tiki Game!

The Tiki Game

Chapt. 5

Temper, Temper

_Tom turned to Draco again. "My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle." He rearranged the words in the air to spell:_

_I am Lord Voldemort…_

Draco stared in awe at the tall boy.

"Bugger… you're the future Voldy-wort… mort… vort…." Draco giggled at his own joke before staring at the ground again, noticing that little Miss Virgin Weasley was in a dead faint; sprawled out on a table.

"BUGGER!" He grabbed his wand out of his robes.

_"Foolish boy, what are you going to do? Hex me?"_ Tom doubled over while clutching the table for support, cackling so loudly that he missed Draco's loud shout of…

"RIDDIKULIS!"

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_Ginny…__ Ginny… Wake up! VIRGINIA ANNABEL WEASLEY!_

"mhmh… coming mum… 5 more minutes…"

"Ginny, get the hell OFF of my lap."

"Draco? Is that you? You sound angry! Yay!" She giggled, thinking that she was dreaming.

"If you don't get off RIGHT NOW, I will tell the whole school about that incident with you and Mr. Finnegan in Snape's broom closet."

Ginny shot upwards, hitting her head accidently against Malfoy's.

"Weasley… merlin, that packs a punch." Malfoy rubbed his head, although Ginny was sure it was for show.

"Glad to know that I injured you Malfoy. Hit THAT hard by a little girl? I'm surprised…" Draco stopped rubbing his head.

"Shut. Up. Now, why is it You-Know-Who that you fear most?" Ginny's eyes widened; so it wasn't a dream…

"Well, no one really likes him that much… its just that… the diary…"

"Oh, THAT diary. My father told me a bit about it."

"Ah, goody. I'm enthralled. Can we check this off the list and then move on? See how much we can get done in one night?" Ginny hastily stood up and rubbed her eyes. Geez, she was tired.

"Fine Weasley, I want that money as much as you do," he rummaged through his robes. "Aha, here it is… WHOA!"

"WHAT? Dra… Malfoy, lemme see," she pulled the list away from him, leaning over the table. "Hmm, must be a magicked list, it automatically crossed off the task."

"Thank you for informing me, Weasel. Just, what's the next item?"

Ginny started to giggle, then laugh, and then her harmless giggle turned into a bout of maniacal laughter. Draco slowly backed away.

"Weasley… is anyone home in that skull of yours?" Still laughing, Ginny pushed the list into his face, as he read:

**_Task: Anger Ronald Weasley so much that he resorts to using physical violence._**

****

In spite of himself, Draco started laughing too.

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"Alright," Draco said, "How are we going to accomplish this?"

"Well, I would wager that Ron wouldn't use physical violence against his only sister… but what if the sister was snogging his worst enemy?"

Draco's mouth hung wide open.

"Malferret, please reattach your jaw." He shut his mouth. "Thank you. Either way, you're going to get hurt. I think that's what Fred and George planned to happen…" she sighed.

"Well, wouldn't it go faster if it looked like I was harassing you?" Malfoy smirked as he leaned over the table.

"I suppose so, but then you might get in trouble with Dumbledore, being the old, dirty, bastard that he is."

"Watch that pottymouth of yours Weasley."

"Sorry, Mother."

Draco chose to ignore the mother comment.

"Wait, I have a plan…" she leaned in towards him, and whispered. Draco's eyebrows shot up.

"Well, I SUPPOSE we could give it a chance…"

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Draco had to admit; the youngest Weasley was a rather quick thinker. She had devised a brilliant plan, and the only thing that he was wondering, currently, was why she hadn't been sorted into Slytherin. They were having a lovely conversation on various hexes, when they heard a mewing noise.

"Weasel, what was that?"

"It sounded like… OH SHIT, RUN!"

They could hear the strains of _"Now, Mrs. Norris, what do we have here? A couple of naughty, naughty students?"_

"Merlin, that man has PROBLEMS."

"For once, Malfoy, I agree with you." 

They were stuck in a dead end, but she suddenly saw a door to their left. She opened it hastily, and pulled him in. Ginny quickly shut the door, and leaned against it. Gods, that was close…

"Ginny…"

…they could have had house points taken…

"Ginny…"

…stupid Filch and his stupid cat…

"VIRGINIA!" he whispered harshly. Ginny brought her head up immediately, finding that their heads weren't so far apart.

"What do you want Malferret?" she asked softly, as she observed her surroundings. They were most likely in a broom closet, seeing as Draco was leaning against a tall cabinet, filled with various cleaning items. Ginny looked around, and then up, finding that her warm, chocolate eyes, were meeting a soft pair of gray ones. She realized that he was holding her left wrist against the door, almost in a pinning position.

"Draco… what are you doing?"

"What we both want, Virginia…" He slowly leaned in closer as she closed her eyes. Then she realized who was pinning her to the door. Mr. Draco Malfoy, who used girls for whatever his needs were. She couldn't kiss HIM! Her eyes popped open.

"MALFOY… I need to be… umm," her face flushed red, "Going. Yeah, that's the word. I have to… leave. Bye" Her eyes were filled with fear, as she pulled away, opened the door, and ran.

"Wait… Ginny…" Damn, Draco thought. He was an idiot. She got away.

Filch approached him. "Have you seen any students wandering around at this time of night?"

"Nope, not right now. I'll let you know."

"Keep up the good Head Boy work, Mr. Malfoy!"

"Yeah, okay Filch…" Draco slowly made his way down the hallway.

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Next Time: Piss off Ron day!

A/N: Sorry guys, I would have written more, but my Mum's being a bitch and making me get off. More in about a week!

NOTE: Yeah, beebopodiggity, I know I screwed up. Hehe. I changed it though, thanks for telling me!

~Ming


	6. Task 2 Key Lime Pie

A/N: alright, I'm back. And I shouldn't be. But I REALLY wanted to write this next part about tormenting Ron…

Wow, my first flame. AWESOME! Thanks to Ashley, for hating me! Yay! *Extremely happy*

Disclaimer: Haven't we already been through the fact that I don't own this? Otherwise I wouldn't be writing fanfiction on ff.net.

The Tiki Game

Chapter 6

Ron Haters, Rejoice!

_"Draco… what are you doing?"_

_"What we both want, __Virginia__…" He slowly leaned in closer as she closed her eyes…_

Ginny sat up in bed abruptly. She just couldn't stop thinking about him, and the way he had touched her. He had just been so… gentle. What scared her, was that she feared Draco could be changing. Maybe even turning into a better person...

…Then again, maybe not.

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Turns out, the next day, everyone had faced the boggart; Hermione and Blaise only a couple minutes after they had left the room. The items on the list were to be completed in a consecutive order, so that meant that their next item was:

**_Task: Anger Ronald Weasley so much that he resorts to using physical violence._**

Poor Ron just didn't know what he was getting himself into. It was probably revenge, Ginny thought, for that time when Ron blabbed about Fred and George in the foursome with Katie Bell and Fleur Delacour. Yeah, she thought, that was probably it. The twins were punished rather severely for that particular incident, and their mother had never REALLY forgiven them. No one had any idea that mortal peril covered explicit sexual actions. Mrs. Weasley was rather shocked when she had looked at the clock that night, and ran around the house in a state of uproar.

She was startled, as she felt a cold finger under her chin, lifting it up. Gin found her chocolate eyes meeting the stone-grey of Malfoy's. He was grinning like a fool.

"Good morning sunshine!" he said in a sunny voice, giving staccato accents to the words, making him sound like a kindergarten teacher. 

"Malfoy, you're just happy because you get to snog me senseless…"

"RIGHT-O Weasel! Any girl that snogs ME," he struck a valiant pose, "is in for the time of her life."

"Let's note, I'm not exactly happy that I have to kiss you. I wish that there was an alternative… but still" Gin felt a bit uneasy about the whole ordeal.

"Well, I can't wait to see the look on your brother's face… too bad that we're probably the only ones who have the dare. If ALL of the groups were doing it… Merlin…" Draco grinned even wider, if that were possible. Ginny wanted to punch that grin off of his face.

"Malfoy, let's remember that he's still my brother. And BOTH of us are going to get our asses kicked for this ordeal," Ginny walked faster. They were late for lunch, as they figured that they would make more of an uproar that way. 

"Ugh, I'm not looking forward to the violence. Well, we'll make a scene," He pushed open the door, "Ladies first."

Ginny paused in the doorway, and her eyes grew wide. 

"Um, Ginny… what's wrong?"

"L… l… look…." She pointed her shaky hand inside, and he peered his head around.

Draco started to laugh. And kept laughing. And, even more impossibly, laughed even louder. But, no one heard him in the great hall.

It was in a state of utter chaos.

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Draco kept laughing, until one of the pies hit him in the face. 

"HEY!!! YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!!" He shook his fist at the small Hufflepuff boy who had thrown the key lime pie. The boy's face grew red, and he ran off, Draco chasing him.

Ginny looked up, and realized that the whole situation WAS rather funny. There were pies flying everywhere, hexes in all directions, house elves stripping on tables, Gryffindors and Slytherins working side by side with Fred and George egging them on…

And there was Ron, sitting in the middle of it all. His flaming red hair was, literally, flaming. Eyebrows singed, scowl on his face, pies flying at him…

Ronald Weasley looked like a broken, and miserable boy.

Harry was restraining him, but Hermione wasn't really doing much to help, seeing as she was hexing Ron from every direction, and looking like she was having the time of her life with Blaise Zabini.

Ginny felt a tug on her arm, and looked up at Draco.

"Well, Gin, might as well do our part," he said, smiling.

"Indeed. Don't think that anyone will notice, but we might as well try."

They walked into the center of the hall, hand in hand, surprisingly dodging all of the pies. He leaned in, as she closed her eyes, and their lips met.

The whole hall went completely silent. Pies stopped in midair, hexes stopped flying, house elves stopped stripping. 

And Ginny was having the most wonderful time of her life. He brought his arm up, and intertwined his hand in her hair. She brought her arms up around his neck and pulled in closer… and closer… and closer…

But knew that she had to pull away sometime. She leaned back, released his hand from her hip, and opened her eyes. 

The first thing that she noticed was that everything had stopped. 

The second thing was that Ron was practically steaming.

And the third…

Harry had stopped restraining Ron.

"OH SHIT…"

"Um, Gin, I think we better make a grand exit. Got anything planned?"

"Nope."

"Fuck."

Ron had a look of supreme anger on his face, and she knew that he was going to blow any second now. And the object of his wrath would be, of course, Draco Malfoy.

Ronald Weasley stood up, and sauntered over toward the both of them. Ginny was pale with fear, but Draco had plastered on his maniac grin.

"Did… you… just… kiss… MY… sister…"

"Actually, Ronniekins, he did. And I found it rather pleasant," Gin smiled.

"Why thank you, Gin. I found it lovely myself." Draco smiled.

And that was the last thing he remembered, smiling.

As well as Ron's fist heading toward his face.

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(A/N: *pets plot bunny* Come on… I need another idea… good bunny… *bunny bites her hand* DAMMIT!! I'll just have to leave this one short, then. *gets out knives and heads toward unruly bunny*)

"Uhhh… mugfotag…"

"Draco… is that even a word?"

Draco slowly opened his eyes and observed his surroundings as best as he could. Everything was spinning rather slowly, and the colors that he was seeing were rather blinding, all in all. He looked down, and found himself covered with sheets.

"Sheet."

"Umm… yes Draco, sheet."

After that was confirmed, he rubbed his eyes, blinked twice, and focused on the lovely red shape in front of him.

"Hello. Who are you?"

"Draco, remember me? I'm Ginny. GINNY. G I N N Y!"

Things suddenly stopped spinning in front of him.

"Oh god, Gin… what happened?"

"Well, you got the beating of your life by Ron, so I suppose we completed the task. He's sitting over there." Ginny pointed to the bed next to Draco.

Draco looked over, and saw a shaking redheaded boy convulsing in the bed next to him. He was muttering something like 'not happening… not happening… save me…'.

"Well, I actually feel a bit sorry for the bugger. Poor guy…"

"I think he's going to kick your ass again, as soon as he recovers."

"Alright, I'm back to hating him." Draco frowned and fixed his face into a pout.

Ginny sighed. "Okay, turns out that our next task is getting some Verisetarum from Snape's special storeroom. Turns out, everyone in the group has to go to Snape's storeroom at one point or another and take something."

"And let me guess- we're next?"

"Right-o ferret."

"Well then, this should be a piece of cake!"

"Actually… there is one small problem…"

Draco shrugged. "And that would be?"

"His secret storeroom… no one knows where it is."

"WHAT!?!?!? Well, you're helping!!" Draco turned very pale. 

"Come on! We've got time! Hermione is bound to have SOME idea where it is."

"Ginny… remember… Hermione equals the enemy! We can't solicit help from her!"

She rubbed at her eyes. "She said that she would help if we needed any. And we need ALL the help that we can get."

"Fine, fine. But, don't let her get any ideas."

"Deal. Oh, and Draco?"

"What?"

"Thanks." She dusted herself off, and strode out of the hospital wing.

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Next Time: The Seduction of the Potions Master

A/N: *points up* HAHA! Good Teaser! I've discovered that my two stories are starting to mesh too much. Maybe I should kill one of the main characters off… Nah. Any ideas? Reviews?

My plot bunnies shall love you forever and ever if you review! Good readers!


	7. Task 3 It's Only Plastic

A/N: Alright, Mads, I wrote this one for you. And it amuses me immensely. Just a couple of quick tidbits for 'yall.

1) I stole the opening "action figures" scene directly from Spaceballs. Why? Because I can! This is fanfiction! If you haven't seen Spaceballs, stop reading this story, and go watch it. Rick Moranis and Mel Brooks are brilliant.

2) Shut. Up. I know I'm supposed to be working on WIRED now, but Mads won't stop pestering me. 

3) And HERE'S where the Snape/Herm starts to take effect. And why this story is rated "R". Because student/teacher smut is wrongful. Doesn't mean that I can't read/write it, but, god, in real life, it's NARSTY.

4) Recognize the interruption statements? They're from the opening sequence of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you haven't seen THAT, stop reading this and go bang your head against a door, because you're so uncool.

Proceed with Caution.

~Disclaimer- I don't own this. I currently wish that I had the willpower to actually do my homework for once, and a PS2. With a DDR pad, and DDR MAX. And a large amount of spending money~

The Tiki Game

Chapt 7. 

Task 3- It's only plastic

_Snape__ drew out his wand, and killed both Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter simultaneously. Then, he focused his attentions on the stunning brunette in front of him._

_"Now, Hermione, I have you right where I want you! You will never escape from my sexy powers!"_

_"OH! OH! No, Snape! Please! Ohhhhh… that feels SO good… Oh, yes! YES! YES!"_

_He slowly leaned in to-_

Snape heard a knock on his classroom door. His eyes grew wide, his face a flustered shade of red, and he shoved his action figures in the drawer under his desk.

"WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU KNOCKING ON MY DOOR!?!?!??!" He shouted at the door. Obviously, the door didn't respond. Doors don't talk.

Now, the person BEHIND the door can talk. Really, what do you take these characters for?

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_We would like to apologize for that traumatic outburst. The author has been beaten over the head with a large, wooden mallet._

_Thank you._

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"WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU KNOCKING ON MY DOOR?!?!!?" He shouted.

"Sorry, I know class just ended fifteen minutes ago, but I accidently left my bag in here…" A pleasing feminine voice answered his shouting, and the figure opened the door. One time, I got hit in the face with a door. Obviously, the door didn't hit me. Someone hit me with the door…

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_We would like to apologize for that off-topic statement of stupidity. Those responsible for beating the author over the head with a large, wooden mallet, have been beaten over the head with large, wooden mallets._

_Thank you._

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"Sorry, I know class ended a couple of hours ago, but I accidently left my bag in here…" A pleasing feminine voice answered his shouting and the figure opened the door.

Severus wasn't so surprised to find that his mystery late night visitor was Harry Potter. Wait a second, how could Harry's voice be feminine? Damn you plot bunnies! Well, it's technically my fault. I wanted to get Snape and Harry into a slash relationship, and then have Tom Felton come in and join. And then, maybe some Christian Coulson for variety…

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_We would like to apologize, yet again, for that last statement. Slash is wrongful. Those responsible for beating those responsible for beating the author over the head with a large, wooden mallet, have been beaten over the head with large, wooden mallets. _

_Thank you._

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I hate you, inner voices.

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_We hate you too. That's not the point. You have a story to finish._

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Screw the story, I want some slash!

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_NO SLASH._

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Fine, fine…

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**Back to the Story…******

Severus wasn't so surprised to find that his mystery late night visitor was Hermione Granger. But, you already knew that, didn't you?

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_We're not even going to try and stop you this time._

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Thank you. It is MY story, after all.

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_JUST GET ON WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING STORY!!!!_

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I despise you.

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**Back to the back to the story…******

Severus wasn't so surprised to find that his mystery late night visitor was Hermione Granger. Seeing as, it was her bag that was left in his room. He had noticed the bag sitting next to her workstation, and had disregarded it. Assuming she would come back, of course. 

Then again, the potions master had never seen her in QUITE SUCH tight fitting clothing. Her brown ringlets of hair came tumbling down her face, and her soft, pink, lips were so enticing to him. Bad Snape, Bad Snape. Don't look at her lips. Don't look at her lips…

He instead focused on her chest. Which wasn't really the best place to look, either. Seeing as her tight fitting black shirt was making him drool. Focusing on her lower torso would just send him into a dead faint. Such tight jeans…

"MISS… GRANGER… WHAT… A LOVELY… SURPRISE… TONIGHT… I MEAN…"

Hermione wasn't surprised to notice that the words coming out of his mouth were strained. Thank Merlin she decided to get some fashion help from Lavendar and Parvati.

***********************************************************

Ginny and Draco, on the other hand, were muffling bouts of laughter with their hands. The stupidity of the situation was killing them. Seeing Snape so flustered was just too good to be passed up. Ginny had even brought her wizarding camera. Just for the occasion.

***********************************************************

Well, she thought, it was now or never. 

"Professor, I've always admired your teaching style."

And that growing bulge in your pants.

"And I just wanted to let you know that I might want to… take our academic relationship to a 'friendlier' level."

Snape's eyes widened. 

"FRIENDLIER!?!?!?" He stammered.

***********************************************************

Draco snickered. This was TOO good.

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Snape was startled beyond belief. This HAD to be some silly prank that the girl was playing at. Smartest in her grade, she wasn't one known to make stupid mistakes. Well DUH, she's HERMIONE, you idiot.

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_Remember what we said about going off topic… and stating the blatantly obvious…_

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I know, I'm having too much fun writing this chapter.

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_We figured._

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**Back to the back to the back to the story…******

After that random outburst, Snape was STILL startled beyond belief.

"Um, Severus, you might want to pick up your jaw now." Hermione grinned.

"BUT… BUT… IT'S IMMORAL… AND WRONG!!!" Snape was gripping the table so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

Hermione let out a fake sigh. 

"Well… I figured that you would say that…" she slowly turned around to walk away, without noticing that the professor had gotten up from his chair, and forced his mouth onto hers.

***********************************************************

Ginny and Draco had stopped laughing. And were now gawking at the sight of the 41 year old Potions Master snogging the 17 year old Hermione senseless.

And the fact that she seemed to be enjoying it.

"WHOA… I want to be snogged properly like THAT."

"You know, Weasel, we could always try it sometime…"

"Shove it Malferret."

"Touchy."

They slowly snuck over behind the cabinet, and stepped inside. Touching the wood planks as Hermione had shown them, the door opened, and they cautiously entered. Of course, there was no immediate need to be cautious, seeing as Snape wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

Grabbing the small glass bottle, Ginny quickly exited and grabbed Draco's hand. 

"Come on! Stop gawking! We've got to HURRY!"

Draco seemed rather traumatized at the sight of Snape and Hermione, on top of the teacher's desk.

"You know what, I'm just going to leave you here-"

He snapped out of it, and ran out the door with her.

Neither noticed that they had left Hermione in the room.

***********************************************************

Sitting on Draco's bed, they went over the list again.

"Okay, that one's checked off. The next task is…" Ginny's eyes bugged out.

"… I think that the twins are out to get me."

"Come on, it can't be THAT bad." Draco grabbed the list.

**Harry Potter's Lucky Boxers**

"Well, you're in Gryffindor! Just go get them from his room!"

"No, Draco… those are his 'lucky' boxers."

"… lucky?"

"The ones that he wears for sex."

Draco laughed. And then laughed harder.

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Next Time: The next task! Woohoo! Bet you can guess what that'll be!

A/N: Yes, I KNOW that was convoluted. Don't remind me. My writing skills leave something to be reckoned with. So hush.

See that button, down there in the lower left corner? Doesn't it look nice to push? The one that says REVIEW?

_Yes… you want to push the button… the little blue button…_

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	8. Tasks 4 and 5 TWINKLE!

A/N: Come on, reviewers of TIKI! We're only about… 10 reviews away from catching up with WIRED. And whichever one gets reviewed more *cough* gets more updates *cough cough*. Reviews make my plot bunnies happy. Currently, they're jamming along to some Techno Violin. As am I, at the current moment. Expect this chapter to be extremely convoluted, funny, stupid, and literate ALL AT THE SAME TIME! *waves arms around* I'm MAGICAL!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Wish I owned something, but I own nothing at all. Except for Edward, my new CDs, my MP3 collection, and my muse. And the plot bunnies. Along with the voices inside of my head.

This Chapter is Dedicated to Mads, because she wanted me to make fun of the 'twinkle'. And so I shall.

The Tiki Game 

Chapter 8

Tasks 4 and 5 

Damn that Twinkle!

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Ginny Weasley sat up in the bed, yawning loudly. She glanced next to her, and smiled at the sleeping form of Harry Potter. Giggling, she slowly picked his "lucky" boxers up off the floor, and stroked his hair gently. After she had wrapped herself in his red, silk sheets, she turned to walk out the door.

Someone would get a surprise when they woke up in the birthday suit.

Oh yes, a big surprise.

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"Well, look over here. It's the 'Birthday Boy' himself. Got a bit excited last night, Potter?"

"Shove it Malferret."

"Touchy touchy."

Draco was secretly pleased that little Miss Weasley had "taken a souvenir" from Potter's sleeping form. Potty didn't need those sheets, anyway. In fact, Colin Creevey was so shocked by the sight, that he even took a picture. Being the gay, pansy that he was. Of course, Creevey didn't expect for his portrait of Potter to appear on the front page of the Hogwarts Chronicle. Once Peeves had gotten a hold of it, he decided to do his service to the school. Rather, the service was towards the female student body. The picture was blurred, but it was fairly to see what Potter was wearing at the time. Or what he **wasn't** wearing.

All day long, shouts of "Lookin' good, Potter!" and "Want to try dating, sometime?" had been coming from all 4 houses. If Harry turned any redder, his face would catch on fire. Thankfully, Ron was still in the hospital ward, muttering something about "magic radish men". 

Draco still couldn't help wondering why Ginny wasn't at breakfast.

Suprisingly, he missed her.

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_Severus__ sat up in his bed, utterly spent from the last night's activity. Gods, the woman was an animal. He reached over and stroked her soft brown hair with his calloused fingers, wishing that he could relive any moment with her in them…_

_She was wonderful. His own, Hermione Grang-_

Professor Snape heard a knock on his door. He groaned, and covered his head with his pillow. 

"GEROFF, I'M SLEEPING!!"

His door was opened by the grinning figure of Albus Dumbledore. 

"No, Severus, I believe that you are just daydreaming. About a certain friend of yours," Dumbledore smiled with that knowing twinkle in his eyes.

"DAMN THAT TWINKLE OF YOURS!!!" Severus shouted angrily.

"I kind of like the twinkle, myself. Besides, you should be up. It's already halfway through breakfast."

Severus's eyes widened. With a couple curses of "GODAMMIT", "FUCK", and "BLOODY 'ELL!!!!!" he jumped out of his bed, and started pulling on his pants.

((A/N: I like making Sevvie-Kins seem human. So there ^^;; ))

"That's some flowery prose," Dumbledore said, with that damned twinkle. 

"Shut your mouth, old man wearing GIRLY robes!" The Professor covered his mouth immediately. What was getting into him? Sassing the Headmaster was NOT one of the activities on the road to future DADA teacher.

"Ah, you're just tired, Sevvie-Kins. Some food will do you good."

"DON'T CALL ME SEVVIE KINS!!!!!"

"Shut your mouth, and finish getting dressed." Severus obeyed.

"Now, I came in to discuss a matter of great importance."

"… being?"

"Have you noticed that some of the students seem a bit more… feisty, lately?"

Snape crouched on his bed for a second. The student body DID seem a bit abnormal. They were playing numerous pranks… almost as many as…

"WEASLEYS."

"Exactly, Severus."

"What are we going to do about them?"

Dumbledore grinned from ear to ear.

"Absolutely nothing."

"WHAT!?!??"

"You'll see in due time. All shall be revealed." The Headmaster smiled a bit, and walked out the door.

Damn that annoying twinkle. 

***********************************************************

Virginia sighed and buried her face in her hands. Harry and Ron were going to KILL her. And then feed her to wild, rabid dogs.

She looked up and saw Draco Malfoy, gazing at her from the other side of the room with a glazed look on his face. Like he wanted to eat her, or something. She probably didn't taste too good. Never had cared to try, though.

Slowly getting up, she walked over toward him. He didn't even acknowledge her existence. 

Giggling, she poked him sharply in the chest while yelling "POKE!!!!"

He jumped up abruptly, shrieking like a woman.

Observing his surroundings, he was surprised to see the youngest Weasley glaring daggers at him.

"Um, Hullo?"

Ginny started laughing like a maniac. 

"Gin, you cracked in the head?" He lightly tapped himself on the head, as she kept laughing.

"… I'm just going to ignore you laughing like a hyena over there. Just…. Hand me the list."

She tried to stop laughing, and handed him a rolled up piece of parchment.

"Wow, never seen some of these before… the next task awaits!" Draco handed her the list back, and she started laughing again.

**Task**

**Make fun of the knowing twinkle in Dumbledore's eye. You must insert the word "twinkle" into every sentence for the next 12 hours. Begin as soon as both of you are finished reading the task.**

"So, Ginny twinkle. This shouldn't be twinkle so hard! We can do it… twinkle."

Ginny kept giggling. Then, she uttered one word-

"Twinkle."

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"Ginny, why do you keep saying 'Twinkle'??"

"I just **can't** stop saying twinkle! It's so twinkle hard!"

"Why are you saying it, though?"

"Um, twinkle. It's a… twinkle… game?"

Hermione sighed in disbelief. 

"It's a task, isn't it?"

"Um, yes… twinkle."

"What are you supposed to be doing?"

"Making fun of the twinkle in Dumbledore's eye. Hey, twinkle, Draco has to do it too! He's damned twinkle agitated."

***********************************************************

Indeed, Draco **WAS** agitated. During Divination, Trelawny pronounced his random utterances a "divine prophecy". The rest of the class just pronounced it "creepy beyond belief". 

Then, during potions, he angered Professor Snape intensely.

On accident, of course. Those kinds of things always happen on accident.

Malfoy sighed as he remembered why he was standing outside of Dumbledore's office.

_"Mr. Malfoy, what is the necessary amount of Boomslang to be added to the potion?"_

_"Two twinkle cups."_

_"I'm sorry?"_

_"Two twinkle cups."_

_"Are you mocking me, boy?" Snape was turning redder by the minute._

_"No sir… twinkle."_

_"WHY DO YOU KEEP UTTERING TWINKLE!?!?!?"___

_"Uhh… Neville did twinkle it! His fault, twinkle!"_

_"TO THE HEADMASTERS OFFICE, MISTER MALFOY!!"___

That, Draco figured, wasn't going to get him any brownie points. He sighed and muttered "Lemon Drop".

Time to face the inevitable.

***********************************************************

**12 hours later…**

Ginny sighed. The worst was over. She looked back over the list of tasks, and her eyes widened.

Draco rushed over.

"Ginny, what's wrong?"

"The list…" She glanced at it once more before shoving it in his face.

"It never stops, Draco. There's no way to win."

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Next Time: Confrontation, What the Game is really about, and some closet snogging!

A/N: Like it? Hate it? Review it!

WIRED gets updated next, and then HARRY-LESS. That's just the way things work, people. 

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	9. Task 6 Part 1 Cookie?

*sob* I want to start my angsty story now! You guys are rather unfair, having me slave to the bone…

Since most of you read both TIKI and WIRED, here's the update on the future of WIRED. I will be rewriting the ENTIRE story in a tad while, so don't worry. Some of the chapters need to be pieced together, things combined, etc. Also, I'll be doing the same for this story. In WIRED, everything'll come together, promise. In the meantime, have your daily dose of TIKI.

Disclaimer: *sings the I own nothing song*

Oh, and by the way, I got a request through email from someone who wanted to archive the ficlets. Just to let you know, I'd be happy as long as you credited me. As soon as I'm done with the story, okey?

Also, after this, I'll be starting the fic that I finally said that I was going to do. The one where all of the M's and I, along with various HP characters get locked in the Brentwood Borders. *cheers* Christian Coulsen will be MEIN!

And now, the long awaited NOTES!

Cheshire Cat 283- Yes, "FOOMCOTFLMFAOSHICB!" to you too. Ah, luff you. Thank yee for being one of the most faithful reviewers!

Wicked Lee- It was a rather fun chapter to write, I must say.

Dracomio- All shall be revealed about the boxers in this chapter or the next, believe me. I wasn't going to just leave it to your imagination, don't worry.

Annibug- NO one has any idea what Dumbledore has up his sleeve. Even **I** don't have any idea. Only the plot bunnies know. And my muses.

Brown-sugar3: Well, of COURSE they're going to get into more trouble! Thanks for reviewing.

Meagan- I'm making up a mailing list, and I'll email you when I get that one up, k?

Katie- Wow, thank you! I'm not a person usually referred to as brilliant, sadly. Than yee for supporting!

Sweetstar3- You know, you're the ONLY one who caught that! *hands cookie* I was waiting to see if someone would grasp the fact that Fred and George created the neverending game! Enjoy!

The Flying Moose- Yesh, and you ARE hylerical yourself! (I WILL use that word, actually. Probably in future chapters)

Crunchy and good with ket- Wow, you've been reviewing all of the stories religiously. Man… Feel free to take up the challenge, twinkle!

GothicTheatreVampire- CAPS ROCK!!! Hilarious goodness is always good.

Run and hide- You may LOVE the story, but I LOVE your screen name, dammit!!

Kamikaze chibi kuroneko- Yup, I now have provided plenty of inside jokes for you people. Silly me.

Hidden-Tales4evea- You know, I might just do that. Doesn't sound too bad…

DeepAmethyst- Oh, thank yee! Yes, my plot bunnies have a rather dirty vocabulary. Just for you, I added even more naughty and unspeakable things. ^^;;; enjoy!

Thank you to: the hylarical **Maddy**** T, Mel Brooks** for making Spaceballs, **Marion** for giving me so many great ideas, **AND EVERYONE WHO READ AND DIDN'T LEAVE A REVIEW**! And the people who **DID** leave a review, but I just didn't note you. Sorry bout that.

**THE TIKI GAME**

**CHAPTER 9**

**Task 6 **

**I'm just trying to get some cookie!**

_Ginny sighed. The worst was over. She looked back over the list of tasks, and her eyes widened._

_Draco rushed over._

_"Ginny, what's wrong?"_

_"The list…" She glanced at it once more before shoving it in his face._

_"It never stops, Draco. There's no way to win."_

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Draco Malfoy felt his jaw hit the floor. 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO WAY TO WIN!?!?!?"

The forlorn look on Ginny's face convinced him that she wasn't lying.

"I mean what I said. There's no way to win the Tiki Game. None. Finito. Absolutely Nil. Nuh Uh. Nada-"

"Okay, you can stop now. How can you tell?"

"Well, just look at the list in your hand!"

He looked down at the list. "Gin, I don't see anything..."

She glared him down. "LOOK HARDER, IDIOT!"

Looking harder, he noticed a couple of new tasks. 

"Hey! There are some things here that weren't here earlier! This stupid fucked up thing doesn't stop!"

"Right-o, Malferret."

"Don't call me that."

"Fine."

"So…" she placed her head in her hands, "Whatever are we going to do about it?"

"Keep on playing, of course! There has to be some way to win!!! We will ACHIEVE!!"

There was a rather long pause. Draco was worried that she had died, or something. But, when she brought her head up, she was grinning.  
  


"I was hoping that you would say that."

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Severus strode angrily down the hallway, muttering something to himself about 'damned Weasleys" under his breath. As he turned the corner toward the DADA room, he found himself knocking into an unfortunate student, and _unfortunately_ toppling on top of them. 

A loud shriek erupted from the girl, snapping her eyes shut. Professor Snape opened his own eyes, and found himself looking at the form of Hermione Granger trembling underneath him. He then proceeded to think about all of the dirty and perverted things that he could do while she was crushed by his large form. So caught up in his reveries, he didn't even notice Hermione open her eyes and glare daggers at him.

"EXCUSE ME," she started loudly and then cleared her throat, "I'd enjoy it verily if you decided to **GEROFF!!!!"**

The professor flustered, and started to stand up. He didn't expect his robes to be grabbed by Miss Granger, or for her to start snogging him senseless.

Also, 25 minutes later, he didn't expect Colin Creevey to walk by and snap a picture.

***********************************************************

_Draco turned toward his lord, marveling at his chocolate chunks of glory._

_"I never thought I'd see the day when I would be ruled by Cookie-mort," he added with a flourish._

_"Well, at least we don't sell cookies for fundraising purposes," Voldie-Cookie-mort added._

_"Damn those blasted girl scouts. Do we HAVE girl scouts in __Britain__?"_

_"Nope, they're just like door to door male prostitutes though."_

_"That bad?"___

_"Yup."__ Voldie-Cookie-Mort grimaced. An unpleasant sort of grimace, it was._

_"So, what are our new plans for world domination, your cookie masterfulness?"_

_"Ooh!" Voldie-Cookie-Mort squealed with german girlish glee. "I like that name!"_

_"Of course, your cookie masterfulness."___

_Voldie__-Cookie-Mort squealed again._

_Draco was surprisingly not feeling nauseous, but exceedingly turned on by the giant cookie of death. That scared him exceedingly._

_"My delectable delicacy," Voldie-Cookie-Mort squealed again as Draco continued, "Are we able to kill Harry Potter in this plan of yours?"_

_"I don't very well know. I was going to kill all of the Weasleys first, but that's just me. Any suggestions, Drakkie?"_

_"No calling me Drakkie."_

_"Sorry, sorry."_

_Draco stuck his lower lip out in a pout, and continued. _

_"Can we avoid killing the youngest Weasley, Miss Virginia?"_

_"Why, are you developing feelings for the young wench?" Voldie-Cookie-Mort chuckled. _

_"Well, I could be, but-" Draco stammered and was interrupted by Voldie-Cookie-Mort._

_"Would master Malfoy like another plate of cookies? He has had 6 plates already." Cookie-Mort suddenly started to shrink in size._

_"Excuse me? Why the fuck are you shrinking, my lord!??!"_

_"Master Malfoy should not use such profanity in the presence of a Hogwarts house elf!" Voldie-Cookie-Mort pouted._

_"But you're an evil dark scary overlord! Definitely not a house elf!"_

_"Dobby is insulted by your lack of foresight, Master Malfoy!"_

_"… DOBBY!??!?!?!"_

Draco sat up suddenly, hitting his head against the table. The last thing he remembered was talking to… Cookie-mort. Wait a second, that wasn't logical. 

He really needed to stop having those late night kitchen snacks. Rubbing his eyes, he opened them cautiously to reveal the scowling face of Dobby.

"Dobby… get the hell OUT of my face!!!" Draco stood up, then fell down after hitting his head again on the table.

"Dobby is assuming that Master Malfoy doesn't want any more cookies?"

"Indeed Dobby, Indeed."

***********************************************************

"Colin, PLEASE, I'm begging you!" The figure got down on their knees, looking up as innocently as possible.

"Nope, this is good front page stuff!" Colin looked at the sighing figure in front of him, with that pleasing feminine voice. He had always desired a go with-

"Look, I'll help you with your homework! Anything!"

"Why should you be helping me? I'm best in all of my classes, hon." Colin licked his camera seductively.

"… Merlin, that's just nasty. I'll tell Dumble-whore on you!"

"You wouldn't DARE!"

"Indeed, Creevey, I would."

Colin sighed, and knew that he had been beaten.

No one could match wits with the dead sexy Severus Snape.

***********************************************************

Ron was just trying to take a nap. 

He had no control of the fact that a burlap bag was placed over his head, or that he was carried off into the great unknown.

But now, sitting in the enclosed room, he was content with twiddling his thumbs.

He really wanted a cookie. Really REALLY wanted a cookie.

"I WISH I HAD A COOKIE!"

A cookie suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Wow, I must be dreaming. It's almost like saying that I wish I WAS a cookie-"

A loud pop was heard, and Ronald Weasley was nowhere to be found.

***********************************************************

Ginny walked out of her bedroom, sighing as she grabbed her hairbrush and prepared for another long day.

She didn't notice the appearance of a new task on the sheet, making it's way toward the top.

**Task**

**Rescue Ronald Weasley from almost certain death.**

***********************************************************

Next time: Slashyness, we find Ron, the wrath of Crookshanks, and JUST WHAT Ron's gender preference IS!

Thank 'yall for reading! I'd like to give special thanks for this chapter to Marion, Maddy, and Riane, for all that they do and help me accomplish. Thanks guys!

By the way, I'm on the favorites list of 14 members! Get it up to 25 by the next chapter of this story, and a special treat for all of you!

_... come on, you KNOW you want to press that review button down there. PRESS IT!_


	10. Task 6 Part 2 RedTasting

A/N: Yes, you guys get an evil plot twist, now. I'm giving you one. Enjoy!

Notes to readers at the end of chapter; I want you guys to jump right back into the story!

*happy because she was added to 4 more favorites lists* If you didn't add me, I'm tracking you down and killing j00! *evil face*

Disclaimer- I own nothing. Wow. But you all knew that.

**The Tiki Game**

**Chapter 10**

**Task 6 Part 2**

**Red-Tasting**

Slouched out on the Slytherin common room couch, Draco Malfoy decided to meditate. On life in general. Since he didn't have much of a life in the first place, Draco didn't find much to meditate on. Except for that strange new hankering for cookies.

Ahh… cookies… that blessed food.

Draco REALLY wanted a cookie. REALLY REALLY wanted a cookie.

In fact, he wanted one so bad that he had even started hallucinating. Steadily getting out of his bed, he opened the barred door of the dungeon and walked toward a shining door. 

_Don't walk toward the light… Don't walk toward the light…_

Draco kept walking toward the light.

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_He sat up, obviously confused. In front of him were two cookies, both looking equally the same._

_"CHOOSE WISELY, DRACO!" A voice boomed from somewhere that Draco couldn't place._

_"God, is that you?"_

_"Of course not, it's Santa. Who the hell did you think it was?"_

_Draco grinned. "Just asking, home-fry."_

_"Draco, choose a cookie. Any cookie."_

_"But there are only two!"_

_"SHUT UP. Do not correct Santa's grammar!!!"_

_"Fine… does it matter which one I pick?"_

_"Yes! I mean, no. I mean-"_

_"Look, I'll just pick one."_

_The voice disappeared. Draco, obviously agitated, looked at the two cookies in front of him. Both had faceplates stating their names:_

**_HERE LIES RONALD COOKIE-BOY WEASLEY_**

****

_And the latter-_

**_HERE LIES TOM COOKIE-MORT RIDDLE_**

****

_Draco was having problems choosing. Slowly, he reached out his hand and-_

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"DRACO! WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" Ginny shouted at the figure asleep on the great hall floor. Students were passing by, staring at Draco Malfoy asleep on the Slytherin table. Not to mention the fact that he was sucking on his god-forsaken thumb.

"uhhhh… coooookies…" Draco had obviously eaten too many cookies, and was now writing in pain on the said table.

Ginny sighed, knowing that the silly boy was a lost cause. She still had one more chance, though.

"Draco, at this point, what is the ONE thing you would wake up for?" She scowled.

"Sex?"

"… something else."

"More cookies?"

"… something something else."

"Piles of Money?"

"Why do you keep mentioning things that I don't have, and a certain task that I'm unwilling to perform?"

Draco sat up. "Ionno."

"So, what exactly did you do all night?"

"Cookies."

Ginny frowned. "That really doesn't cover too much."

With a flourish of his hand, Draco added: "Well, you see, it covers enough."

"Pfft."

"Women."

"Draco, I needed to talk to you about this new task that appeared…"

"Ask away," Mr. Malfoy smiled pleasantly.

She jabbed her finger at the list.

**Task**

**Rescue Ronald Weasley from almost certain consumption.**

Ginny scowled, "The consumption part wasn't there before…"

Stopping when she discovered that Draco actually looked concerned.

"What are we going to do?" She asked.

"As much as we can, Gin."

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Severus Snape was agitated. More or less. About the subject of a certain game.

That game being aptly named "The Tiki Game".

He stood impatiently outside of the Headmaster's office, waiting for the headmaster himself to exit the office. Severus, obviously, became tired of waiting.

"Edible underwear," The stairway opened, and allowed him access.

The Headmaster would face the wrath of Mr. Cranky-Pants.

At his crankiest.

But before he could set one foot on the stair, Snape noticed something peculiar happening. A blonde boy was running through the hallway, shrieking "I'M NON-FEMALE DATING!!!" at the top of his bloody lungs.

Severus was also surprised to find that the shrieker was none-other than Draco Malfoy.

And even more surprised when Draco Malfoy started snogging Harry Potter in the middle of the Hallway.

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Hermione sat in her room, plaintively considering the situation. She didn't want to spend her whole evening looking for some cookie, but she was lost on the whole situation. Besides, Draco at lunch trying to hump Harry's leg was really strange enough. Ginny had this horrified look on her face, and it was really rather funny when you considered the situation.

She was interrupted by Crookshanks, curling up against her leg.

"What's up, kitty? Want to play?"

"Mrow."

"You KNOW I don't understand cat, silly."

Crookshanks still looked at her strangely, and then started to hump her leg.

Lord, cat, if I didn't know any better, you're acting just like Ron! 

Hermione paused.

…OH SHIT.

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Albus Dumbledore had never expected to spend his Sunday afternoon in the Counseling Center of Hogwarts.

"Counselor Dargan, what are we going to do about this whole dilemma?"

Counselor Dargan smiled. "Turn that smile, upside down!"

Ginny frowned, "I don't get it, you bloody American bastard."

He sighed. "I didn't think that you would. What appears to be the problem?"

Virginia proceeded to explain: "You see, there were two cookies. One contained the spirit of Ron Weasley, the other contained the spirit of Lord Voldemort."

Counselor Dargan shrieked at the use of You-Know-Who's name so freely in public.

"OH SOD OFF!"

"Sorry, continue."

"Thank you- I shall. As you can see, the two subjects are sitting over in those two chairs." Ginny motioned toward the chairs in the far corner of the room, in which Draco Malfoy and Crookshanks were sitting. "They have consumed both of the cookies. Judging by Draco's strange behavior, I'd have to say that he ate the Voldemort cookie, and that Crookshanks ate the Ron cookie."

Counselor Dargan nodded. "Yes, that seems highly plausible. Tell me, Draco, what did that cookie taste like?"

"Well, I suppose it was rather… Red-tasting."

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Next Time: More revelations, Karaoke night, Fun with Alcohol., and more naughty things of unspeakability!

A/N: Yes, that was VERY short. I'll be pouring all of my energy into WIRED soon. The next chapter will be much better- promise! Authors notes next chapter!!!

… and don't forget to review ^^;;;


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